5 Signs You’re in a Toxic or Draining Relationship


“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else’s.” ~Billy Wilder

I call these relationships toxic because our authentic self is withered away into someone or something else—forgetting all that was natural to you in the process.

Little do we know that our desire to be agreeable and accepted is inhibiting the natural process of growth.

While some difficult relationships can open our eyes to new perspectives and expand our awareness, some obviously shut us in and hinder our development. Our intuition will alert us one way or the other. It tells us, change and growth should feel good!

It’s important to know when you’re in a toxic relationship so you can choose something better for yourself.

When I was in my toxic relationships, I ignored my intuition in favor of my logical mind, which told me that losing that person was worse than having him/her around.

But our intuition knows best; unlike our mind, its only motive is our happiness.

5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship

“Toxic” doesn’t only entail obvious damage like physical abuse, stealing, or name-calling. It also represents all the internal turmoil that results from an unhealthy relationship. I’d like to share how I learned to recognize when I was in a relationship that was not suitable for me.

These are 5 signs that you are in a typical toxic relationship:

1. It seems like you can’t do anything right.

The other person constantly puts you down as not good enough. They mock your personality, and you feel ashamed most of the time. You only feel pardoned when you take on the traits of the person doing the condemning or judging.

2. Everything is about them and hardly ever about you. 

You have feelings, too, but the other person won’t always take time to hear them deeply. You’re unable to have a genuine two-sided conversation where your opinion is heard, considered and respected. Instead of acknowledging your feelings 100%, they find a way to turn it around and make it about themselves. It seems these people particularly value having the final say.

3.  You find yourself unable to fully enjoy good moments with this person.

Every day brings another challenge. It seems as though they are always raising gripes about you or someone around you. Their attempt to control your behavior is an attempt to control your happiness and sometimes ultimately to gain a deeper hold on your willpower.

4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around that person.

You don’t feel free to speak your mind. You have to put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. You realize you don’t even recognize yourself anymore and may even find yourself saying and doing things you don’t fully agree with just so you can not create issues with this person.

5. You’re not allowed to grow and change.

Whenever you aim to grow and improve yourself, the other person responds with mockery and disbelief. There is no encouragement or support for your efforts. Instead, they keep you stuck in old judgments insisting that you may not be able to do things on your own or with success.

If you’re experiencing even just one of these signs, check in with yourself to see if the relationship is doing more damage than good. Evaluate the relationship and what it’s worth to you.

Embrace the answers that come from your intuition, as it wants the best for you—and this relationship might not be it.

Take deliberate action according to your gut feeling. You won’t be sorry.

Maybe you choose to talk about your feelings with the other person, or you decide to put more space between the two of you.

It’s important that if you’re feeling uncomfortable or unsettled in the relationship that you not wait around until the effects of the misery settle into depression. Taking any action is the best medicine.


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